Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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