Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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