If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
