Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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