Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
