I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
