we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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