What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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