I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
