I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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