i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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