i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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