so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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