Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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