Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
