You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
