I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
