I love black thongs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
