At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
