the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm at about main and main street
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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