I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
