I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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