Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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