I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
