Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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