It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
