i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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