even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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