you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
