Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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