For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
