Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's blow job season.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
