last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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