i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
