Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
