just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
