I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
