I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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