I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
