we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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