i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
