Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
