He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
