Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
