We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
