At least make sure they are 18
Why
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
