So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
