I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
