I wanna passion pit in your ass
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
