you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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