I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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