Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
