oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
