Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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