Your dad touched me again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
