Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't deserve a penis
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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