He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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