Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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