Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
