I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
