I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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