my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
