Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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