Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
this is an emotional support booty call
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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